i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
