Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
not ubering you a puppy
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