Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm really busy with my period
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