Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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