Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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