I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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