ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
