Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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