I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
