do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You've changed since you got that strap on
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
