FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
