You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
