i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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