did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
