i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
