We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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