I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize