I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My pussy is not your playground.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize