rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
