Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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