He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
