i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
