I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
