i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize