She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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