wat bout pragnant strippers??
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
nutella sex= disaster
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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