whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize