Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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