I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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