idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
