On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
