White coat. Heels.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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