ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Someone shit on the floor
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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