Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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