So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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