About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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