he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
