me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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