Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
