"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize