I think my vagina is haunted
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
