I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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