I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Found the puke drawer
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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