he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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