Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
