So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize