And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
nutella sex= disaster
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
