I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
