saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
