you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
