never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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