Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
