i wish my penis had a tongue
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
