i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
