Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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