he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
