I puked a lego.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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