turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
