was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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