4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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