I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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