I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
