I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
