I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
