To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
