And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
