Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
