Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize