you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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