it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
