just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
