I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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