I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize