I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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