there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
