there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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