It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
