There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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