He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my liver is dry heaving
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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