I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
