I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
