I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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