Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
