Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
me + whiskey = a bad person
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
