I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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