Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
