Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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