I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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