I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize